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the wings with your name on it.

曲：君という名の翼　–　コブクロ

a great new song by kobukuro, one of my favourite groups for quite a long time alr. ^^ it makes me happy just listening to it. =) but i havent really analysed the lyrics yet. one day ah.

just wrote a long email to rain. im so sorry i havent spoke to her in a while already. even though she's in penang and everything, but she's still wondering how i am. she messaged when i was together with him, when we broke up and i didnt even tell her the whole story yet, which i promised i would. so i just finished the long email to her. tts why a little melancholic, and decided to write here. she's gg to japan on august 9 for three weeks, lucky her! =D

exams! ah! i hope all will be fine. i need to do seriously well in everything to get what i want to get. school-mugging. hahas. havent done that in a while. anyone wants to join me? ^^''

there's going to be a [trick] special on channel 56 soon, but i cnt seem to check when. if anyone knows, please tell me? i need to see yamada naoko and ueda jiro in more fun eps.

velda.

trivia.

曲：歲月如歌　–　陳奕迅

back home from east coast! havent been to east coast in a while now. ever since.. blading with berry and fiona. hahas. memories ah memories. remember lying on the bench with the two of them on each side, chatting. jonathan ah fiona!

celebrated mawar's birthday. eighteen already you really could see how happy she was man. congrats girl! the group of us actually spent the whole night testing each other trivia on bo liao stuff. jess and i were scratching our heads over archie & friends trivia, like who the hell was chuck clayton's girlfriend and veronica lodge's butler. (-"-;) then i realised i could never beat darryn on harry potter man. thought i was good but he was obsessive larr. he even knew what spell hermione used in the fifth or sixth book to suction brains or whatever. i cnt even remember that happened.

gg to sleep now. didnt sleep at all last night. now my head is filled with countries' capitals, prime ministers, geographical features, man-made wonders, pokemon evolution stages, power rangers trivia, looney tunes etc.

kind of interesting to fill myself up with so much nonsense as that.

i mean, who needs to know the team rocket theme song in pokemon? my friends do. ^^"

velda.

smiles.

曲：私とワルツを　–　鬼束ちひろ

simin changed the blogskin for me. i geh kiang lah said if she did one for me i would start blogging. so this blog is public. alr. (-"-;)

school was a blast. japanese roleplay was hilarious, especially the guy groups. darryn made me laugh till i cried, something i havent done in a while already actually. got back results from azhar and everything. hokay larr, not that great, but it should be fine. mugging for exams should start, erm, soon.

realised once again how affected i can get with his stuff. but i am slowly pulling away, i know. couldnt stand all that emotions inside me so called huiqi and blasted on the phone with her for a while. it made me feel better. =D and i had my chocolate waffle, which made me even much more better. *hees, england very powderful ah sori*

somehow i might be unstable inside, but i think i can do it.

smiles.

velda.

raffles courtyard.

曲：我不后悔 - 林志颖

9.42am on a wednesday morning. no school! woots! if not i won't be in front of the computer trying to write. great great dinner yesterday at raffles courtyard. again, i cannot believe the lengths chef calvin had gone to prepare that great dinner for all of us. and asking ah ford to sit with us so we would get that 50%. aaah. love all of them there, really. all of us felt like princes and princesses just looking at the food. joy, siyu, jess, yanting, darryn, ken, andre and me. sorry andy couldnt join us though. =(

anw, what we ate. we were seated and everything just enjoying the breeze, and bryan prepared cocktails for us. uhh, thanks john and bryan! then this seriously great appetizer came. it was fish soup with tofu and tempura prawn thingie with noodle sticks. then came sweet & sour eel, steamed sea bass and baby kailan with yellow bean sauce and garlic rice, and the chilli crab. and they were sweet they even prepared a cake slice for joy and everyone sang to her - all the chefs came up to sing as well. omg it was fun. then andre was too high on crab i think so he started dancing with the singer and pulled joy with him. it was hilarious. but great great fun. one of the best days i've had in a while now.

and thanks to calvin, ford, william, wilson, ah joe and ricky! ahh.. love calvin so much. when i thanked him last night again via sms, he replied, "it's my pleasure to cook for you." isnt he great? my favourite-est chef in the world. he made my day.

velda.

just a short one.

曲：yak sok - ryu shi won

back from school after the last phase in ms eapen's ica presentation. somehow i thought chopsticks did rather well ehs. tired out man, having to wake up at six to reach school by eight. still late summore. hees. okay, if i had woken up at six am i would be just nice for class, but i sort of mo mo mo until 6.20am.

everyone is sick today. as i said darryn the super virus. you just had to listen to the coughs in class. andy, darryn, jessica, andre... goodness!

spoke to chef calvin today. havent in ages man.. just realised how much i missed him after his first "hello, velda!" over the phone. but he was sweet, as usual, offered to help me check if we could have a post-birthday for joyjoy at courtyard tmr.

moving off to yanting's house in a while. study study for seah's ica tmr. argh.

velda.

uh. just for the sake of it.

曲 : 劲歌金曲 - 古巨基

this song actually brings back a lot of memories. ah joe choosing that song and singing it with wilson during karaoke sessions, huiqi telling me her friend loves this song, always choosing this song as the last song in kbox.. and him.

hahas. you know it will lead to him again. whats the effing reason? i think everyday i dont see him, i forget how he really is and only remember how he was when we were together. wrong ah. wrong ah velda.

but a ten-minute song ah.. hahas. its good in terms of how they mixed all those beautiful songs into one amazing song.

why do i naturally want to fall asleep once the clock hits 12am? in darryn's words, "tempted ah tempted!" i always laugh when someone tries to imitate the assholic way he does it.

just realised once again how much i love my friends. courtyard dinner on tuesday woots! sea bass here we come!

velda.

random.

曲：ここにしか咲かない花　ー　コブクロ

shat..! hahas. am waiting for the youtube video of kimura takuya's version of captain jack sparrow to load. it is freakin funny larr. kimura takuya does do a fair imitation of captain jack, which was what shocked me back then when i watched the video for the first time.

filming day 2 today. hot hot and uh, hot. i probably shed two buckets of perspiration. but i do love tt my group members are wonderfully responsible people and initiative-takers.

tired out. watching forensic documentaries on discovery scare me. why am i still watching? sick ah me.

and everyone's sick. sigh. darryn the super virus carrier, just infected about 4 ppl in class. hah!

velda.

not-so-perfect.

曲：真的爱你 - Beyond

when i was dozing off on 852 on the way home, i was jerked awake by the bus swerving a little to the left. when my eyes flew open, i gasped audibly at the beautiful sunset in front of me. i was along adam road, passing macritchie reservoir. the sun turned the whole sky orange, and at the same time, the street lights were on, and it was utterly beautiful. it was gone in 1 minute.

as i was walking home passing by jessica's church, i walked past a mother and son. just as i passed them, the little boy turned to look at the sky and asked his mummy.

"can i touch a star?"

it made me smile.

as i reached my block, a huge moving truck was parked at the carpark. some family was moving. right in front of the stairs a little boy was left squatting alone with a fish tank in the void tank waiting for the rest of his family.

sometimes not so perfect days are made perfect by events like this.

velda.

being stupid.

曲：愛與誠　–　古巨基

hmm. always finding myself very very dumb eh. why oh freaking why do i let myself get affected by whatever he does? i mean, i guess it's not what he does, it's what i find out about him as days pass. who is he actually? i used to think i knew, but i know now i dont at all. it always has to happen like that, doesnt it? it makes me lose my dreams, my idea that one day i would be happy in a realtionship, that i will find someone who loves me so much he's willing to go to the ends of the world for me. okay, i know, thats cliche, but i seriously thought tt when i was with him.

i guess i was wrong right from the start.

am i tt stupid? i asked myself.

no, no, im not.

like i told him so. right from the start.

but it still ended like this.

velda.

random stuff. heh.

曲：Thank you for my days - 嵐

i dun know why im blogging again though. hahas. maybe i did get my blogging bug back. a bit wasted eh, i lost all my other entries from 2003 onwards. but well. its a new start, i guess. back at home now after a not-very-good presentation session with ms soo. yet i think it will work out bahs. dun want to think about it anw so.. on to other stuff.

what am i to other people? tt question just popped into my head as i was sitting in front of the apple thinking of what to blog about. sometimes perhaps you think this is how you should present yourself in front of others, yet soon you discover that actually it didnt turn out tt way after all. who am i to my friends? who am i to him? who am i to everyone else out there?

do you ever miss the affection but not the person? jess asked me tt one day. i do miss having someone to lean on to; i miss being unable to peck someone on the cheek; i miss being caressed on the hand. tts why sometimes when my weaker self gets the better of me, i feel like i want to turn to someone, anyone. but i know i shouldnt, because i will hurt tt anyone even more. yet i know im someone who can enter into a relationship easily, and fall in so deep that i cnt pull myself out again. its a weakness i never knew was a weakness until recently.

random subjects sorry eh. >_<

velda.

i felt like writing.

曲：純恋歌　–　湘南乃風

急に書きたいと思ったから。
i felt like writing. i dont know why, but perhaps life has been one event after another these few months that i havent really been able to find time for myself. July 17th. 2006. i cnt really remember what has been happening from 2003 onwards, but somehow i feel i have grown up a lot.

i did something i did not mean to do today. i was reading simin's blog and andy's, and it just came naturally to click on his. i dont know why, but suddenly i felt the urge to want to know how he was like 3 years ago. and so i did. click on his archives, i mean. i laughed, actually. somehow i learnt more about him in that one sitting at the computer than i ever could now. the anger left me at that moment. it brought me back to that time on the bus back from kampar and i just listened to him talk. never in my life have i felt so protected, so loved, and so happy just listening to someone talk. i guess that was what broke that anger. disappointment in him, yes, but anger, no. he's not who he was 3 years ago, of course, yet it did help me.

i guess i have been so caught up in my own troubles that i lost track of the people who have probably influenced me more than i have ever been. sharon's resigned from the hotel, and i wasnt there for her when she made that decision. it was her that brought me out of everything with ah kent, and she who stood by me all the time. im sorry, girl.

i wouldnt be who i am today if everything that happened didnt happen the way it did. yet i dont think ive reached a point where i could rest yet. because more is to come, yet, somehow, i feel this peace inside me that tells me ill get through all this.

velda.

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